I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
wakey wakey hands off snakey
What did we do last night that was yellow?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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