last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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