So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
my liver is dry heaving
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
