If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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