R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
