Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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