I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
