she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
