you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
