Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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