I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
