I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
