Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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