I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Farmville is her only friend.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
