help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
