So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
