I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
