I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize