I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
