On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
