Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
