he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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