Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
