ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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