You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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