I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
