Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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