It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Randomize
