And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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