i don't like sucking hair
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
