Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
