The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
