Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
