tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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