If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
