I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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