my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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