It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
