My balls are so social today.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
