hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I've blown a few things in my day
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
