oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
