I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
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