Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize