Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
