Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
