So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
