apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
