Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
