Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
