it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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