And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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