Ambien. No doubt about it.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
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