I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
