im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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