Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
