so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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