I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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