Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
