WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
