There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
