Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
