careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Fuck appropriateness.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
