i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
