It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
