You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
