I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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