i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
