I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We just shotgunned beers for America
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize