I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
