When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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