omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
